


Midnight Mass

by FreckledSkittles



Series: 2019 SVU Advent Calendar [24]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Advent Calendar, Banter, Christmas Eve, Date Night, Fluff, Husbands, M/M, Married Barisi, Married Couple, Roman Catholicism, how could i forget - Freeform, you know how you just go on a date with your husband
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22081756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreckledSkittles/pseuds/FreckledSkittles
Summary: Day 24 of Advent Calendar Writing Prompts.Are you there, God? It's me, Rafael Barba-Carisi. Or: Rafael and Sonny go to church.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: 2019 SVU Advent Calendar [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559359
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	Midnight Mass

**Author's Note:**

> What's up my lapsed Catholics how are we doing today
> 
> So I got inspired to write this in the middle of thinking about Mariska Hargitay and Peter Hermann's first date at Mass and as a lapsed Catholic/person of religious ambiguity I find that very funny and pure. And the thought of Barisi going to Mass (and Rafael doing what I may or may not have done the last time I went haha,.,.,.,.ha) is severely underrated, because no matter how much I may stray from the Catholic church, there are some things that are just ingrained in my head forever
> 
> aka please talk to me about Barisi date nights im begging y ou
> 
> I typically use four separate Tumblr posts to find prompts for this event. The prompt for this story is not from those posts, which you can find on the series page. This world just needed date night Barisi but the date's at Mass and Rafael is bamboozled by all the changes but it's okay because he just wants Sonny to be safe. <3

St. Patrick’s Cathedral is not an intimidating building. Rafael knows this because he’s passed it many times, both as a child and an adult, and it didn’t have a major effect on him. Even with its tall spires and looming presence above the street, he found it soothing. Maybe he would have a better appreciation if he wasn’t a lapsed Catholic. With the work he had to do and the cases he took, it damaged his faith and removed his attachment to the institution. He didn’t find an interest in participating with it again until he met, and then dated, and then married Sonny Carisi.

And even then, he limited a full reconnection with his Catholicism. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been to church, although the times he prayed were during recesses or the times where his husband was away from home and hadn’t updated him in an hour. And there was hardly any way he could remember the last time he had been at Mass. Sonny had asked him to go to church with him and pray when Mike Dodds’ case at JTF was nearly compromised. The smell of incense and the peaceful stillness in the cathedral was soothing at least.

But Mass was different. Mass is an hour-long event that he doesn’t have time to carve out of his schedule for. Although New York Catholicism is more liberal than Catholicism as a whole, the world Rafael has been exposed to has watered down his hope for something better beyond him. And when compared with his husband, it was surprising how devoted Sonny was to his faith. He was probably the one person who gave Rafael genuine hope that the world wasn’t entirely fucked with terrible people.

Rafael comes back to himself, standing in front of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, with a nudge from his husband and a wash of cold air over his shoulders. The sight of those blue eyes warms him from the inside out. “You comin’?” Sonny asks, giving him a teasing smile.

“I don’t know,” he smirks, “I was thinking I could listen to Mass from here.”

Sonny rolls his eyes fondly and waves him forward. “Yeah, yeah, you’re so funny.”

“Why thank you.” Rafael wraps an arm around Sonny’s waist and leans up to peck his cheek. “I have endless material for you.”

The pews in St. Patrick’s are filling up right as they arrive, the tall arches reaching up high above them and the blue stained glass glistening from the nighttime lights. The last time Rafael had been in a church for a Christmas Eve service, he was still an altar boy trying to impress his mother in the throes of middle school. And it seems like every church has the same musty scent of incense and oil, the same mildly dull wash of color on the floor that the poinsettias bring out.

Sonny guides them into a pew at the back of the church on the right. He shouldn’t have anything pressing to take care of, but in the event that an emergency happens, he always sits in the back so he can run out quickly if he needs to. Rafael doesn’t mind—there are fewer people to witness the mistakes he is surely going to make.

“It’s toasty in here,” Sonny mumbles, shrugging his coat off and eyeing the ceiling with a childlike wonder. Typically, he would head to his family’s church on Staten Island, but their December had been busier than most, so they were staying within city limits this holiday.

“Are you excited?” Rafael asks him. Sonny helps him remove his coat, and he sits down so he can curve into the taller man’s side. “You’re finally in the famous St. Patrick’s.”

Sonny laughs quietly and kisses the soft spot behind his ear, just a small press of his lips. “I’ve been in here before. Just not for a service.”

“Well, I’m glad we were able to make it inside before it got too crowded. I don’t think God minds us standing in a house of worship during the service, but my legs definitely do.”

The rest of the pews fill up quickly; they are framed by an elderly couple in front of them, a single mom with two teenage kids who bug and scold each other in Spanish in their row, and a family of six behind them that keep on arguing and struggling with their younger kids. For a brief moment, Rafael is transported back to his younger days, when Catholicism meant something to him and he actually cared about the service, singing the hymns with his whole chest and taking good care in praying every night. When the bullies got too rough, and Alex or Eddie weren’t able to protect him, he found refuge in the church just near Abuelita’s in the Bronx. The priest they were on a first-name basis with always welcomed them with open arms and solitude.

Sonny prods him, gently nudging his cheek with the tip of his nose. “Where’d you go? Hope it’s not about work.”

Rafael smiles and pats his knee affectionately. “Not at all. Just reminiscing. I promise.”

The cantor announces the first hymn of the evening as the procession begins. Rafael goes along with it softly, under his breath, so that only he and Sonny can hear. He tries not to focus on the adoring grin on his husband’s face when his singing voice comes out. Sonny always had a soft spot for his voice, even if Rafael was under the impression that it was mediocre at best.

At the very least, there’s some familiarity with the atmosphere in the air, from the choir leading the congregation in song to the flickering candles that now sit in front of the altar. The archbishop takes his time down the aisle, talking and smiling to parishioners and chatting as he waltzes down to the altar. That part may be the most foreign thing to him, Rafael muses to himself. And then the archbishop finally gets to the altar and faces the congregation.

“Jesus,” Rafael murmurs to his husband, “he’s taking his time getting up there, huh?”

“Peace be with you,” the archbishop says.

Rafael’s tongue moves quicker than his mind. His quiet response of “And also with you” is overshadowed by the rest of the people responding “And with your spirit.” Rafael chomps down on the inside of his cheek and hopes that no one else heard the mistake. This was going to be a long service.

* * *

Rafael wonders, halfway through the Kyrie responses, if they had always recited the Latin words or if it’s exclusive for Midnight Mass. In fact, there seems like a lot more bits added into the service to get the full hour-and-a-half experience. He can already recall none of the moments from what he knows, which is surprising when it comes to his Catholic background. Catholicism isn’t something that goes away easily.

Sonny pokes his side. “Are you gonna space out for the whole thing?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“We can leave early if you get tired. It’s okay if we have to leave early.”

Rafael smirks at him. “I’m not a quitter, Mister Barba-Carisi. And I’m not that old.”

“Hey,” Sonny snickers, “I wasn’t the one who brought up your age. You did that on your own.”

* * *

The second reading is in Spanish. Rafael translates the general premise of the story when Sonny gets lost, but he makes up for it with a nearly perfect response in the same language. A burst of happiness lights up in Rafael’s chest. Sonny had a secret skill of picking up different languages easily, and Spanish was no problem either, even if he was a better speaker and reader than a listener. He was always trying and he was always improving and doing his best.

Maybe he should pick up some more Italian in the new year. Just to balance the playing field a bit.

* * *

The Gospel comes from Luke. Once again, Rafael utters “And also with you” in response to the archbishop’s peace. Sonny shakes from quiet laughter that he tries to clamp down; Rafael pinches his side and threatens to withhold kisses if he doesn’t behave.

Sonny pouts. “You wouldn’t do that, would you?”

“Oh good,” Rafael snorts, “you’re pulling out all the stops. Because that hasn’t been used before to get more out of me.”

“You like it when I pout. It makes you wanna kiss me more.”

“That’s pure slander, sir.”

* * *

“Was he born at midnight?” Rafael whispers to Sonny right when the archbishop starts his homily.

Sonny scolds him and pinches him. “Stop.”

“It’s a genuine question. How are they supposed to know? Did they record the time of birth on his birth certificate? Was Joseph keeping track of time?”

“So this is why you don’t go to Mass anymore.”

* * *

The elderly woman in front of them turns around after the collection is taken up and smiles. “You have a very beautiful voice.”

Rafael offers a shy smile and squeezes Sonny’s hand. His cheeks flare in a mutual response. “Thank you.”

Sonny waits until she turns back around to dig his elbow into his side. “I don’t wanna say I told you so, but…” He shrugs and leans back, chuckling when Rafael jabs his side again.

* * *

“You going up for Communion?” Sonny asks. There are a few more rows until their pew will be hurried along.

Rafael pauses to think about it but ultimately shakes his head. He feels a bit too guilty for his years away from the church to take the sacrament. Besides, he has a bit more business to take care of while Sonny’s in line.

When their pew is ushered into place, Rafael sits back and lets them walk past him. He doesn’t kneel again until everyone passes. Only then does he slide forward and cross his hands in front of him, pressing his thumbs into his forehead.

_ Alright. Look. I know I’ve been distant for the past ten or twenty years. In fact, I’m not too sure if you’re even real. But I also think that’s not my place to judge. _ Rafael glances at Sonny, easily recognizable because of his lean build and thin height.  _ But things have changed. There’s someone in my life for good that I care for very much. And I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. Ever. _

There are days where Rafael wishes Sonny would just take a job at the DA’s office, the most mundane and slow job he can find that would keep him safe. The days when he got a bit too close to the opposite side of a gun. The days when Rafael threatened to fight every cop in the precinct if they didn’t let him near his husband to confirm for himself that yes, he was okay, and yes, he wasn’t harmed.

Rafael takes a deep breath and presses his hands closer together.  _ God. If there’s one thing I could ever ask for, it would be that you do whatever you can to keep him safe. Please. That’s all I need. _ With that last remark, he crosses himself and sits back. When Sonny slides into the pew beside him, patting his shoulder as he kneels to pray, Rafael hopes that of all the things he’s asked for in times of great duress, that is the one thing fulfilled.

* * *

Sonny nuzzles under the bedsheets and kisses Rafael, humming softly while he holds his face. Rafael smiles into it, unable to hold back when Sonny pulls back and looks at him with an outpouring of love. “Thank you for joining me.”

“It was my pleasure,” Rafael sighs. “Maybe it can be a tradition of ours.”

“What, Midnight Mass every Christmas Eve?”

“Sure, why not?” He brings his arms tight around Sonny’s waist and squeezes. “It sounds nice to me.”

Sonny toys with the few stray locks of hair puffed out apart from the rest of the strands. “Only if you wanna join me. I’m not gonna make you go with me.”

“I really don’t mind. I’m more than happy to join you.”

They fall asleep with their arms around each other, warm and content.

**Author's Note:**

> One last fic! More Barisi, more happy losers...


End file.
